November

Some notes for my life as of now.

I'm not ready for college. Taking next semester off. Contemplating military life.

Working on getting a job, and when I do I'll focus on that.

Still single. Don't know when that'll change.

People are liars, fakes, and there are few people you can trust.

My new friends are awesome. I love them. Namely Christian, but they're all pretty awesome.

As soon as I get some money, I'm getting a tattoo of an Alakazam with Christian while he gets his red Gyarados tattoo. And I'm going to let him pierce the right side of my bottom lip.

People are drifting away. And I hate it.

Negativity.

I've been far too positive for far too long.

I feel as if I'll be alone forever. I know it's still early in life, but I honestly feel this way. Yeah, I'll have other relationships, and I'm sure I'll have a child... But I don't think I'll ever meet that girl I'll spend my life with.

Something about me pushes people away from me.

I don't want to be an Engineer. I want to go to film school. I want to be involved in the movie industry, or I just want to act in movies or television. But I realize how far-fetched of a dream it is.

I have two real friends. Everyone else just comes and goes. I like to say I have so many friends, but only two of them are really friends. Daniel and Walter.

I have issues of inferiority. I know I'm attractive, smart, and funny, but I'll always have these feelings. It's just who I am. Unless everyone I knew was constantly praising me and stroking my ego, then this is how it's gonna be. And that's stupid.

I won't live up to everyone's expectations. I am me, and that's all I can be. I'm sorry if the version of myself that I am does not match the one you hoped I would be.

I'm a mess.

But, I'm a hot, sticky mess. I'm beautiful in my own way, and I'm happy with who I am. I just needed to be negative again, if only for an hour or so. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows and bunnies and bullshit.

Crushing

For a while after Shelby broke up with me, all I wanted was sex. I never successfully got anyone into my bed in this time, but I talked to a lot of girls and made plans with them, but the plans just never worked out.

One of the girls I went after is named Cassy. We talked about it and her stipulation was that she wanted to get drunk the night before, so all I needed to do was find a situation where there was alcohol and she could hang out with me. I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship, but now I am... I've gone to a club with her, and we danced together all night, and yesterday I went to the wolf sanctuary in Montgomery, TX with her. It was her and I, my best friend Daniel, Cassy's friend Nakia and her boyfriend, and Cassy's brother and his girlfriend. It was a lot of fun, and we went to the Woodlands mall afterwards and hung out there.

We got back to Pasadena, and she expressed interest in hanging out with me and Daniel later. So, I went to my sister's birthday get-together, and then afterwards went to Daniel's place. Cassy showed up with her friend, so my plans of asking her out or anything close to that were kind of ruined. But, we all had a good time, we all learned a lot about each other playing Never Have I Ever, and other things like that, and then our friends Colby and Mason showed up.

Cassy's friend had to go home, so they started to leave, and I decided to walk them Cassy's truck. On the way there her friend kept on telling me I was very cute and that if she didn't have a boyfriend she'd make out with me, etc. Cassy was agreeing saying: "Yeah, he is really cute", "He's such a sweetheart" and "I had the biggest crush on him in school." I said something along the lines of "Used to? That's a shame", and she laughed and mentioned the possibility that she might still.

Now, I've always really liked this girl, it was just that I was always wrapped up in a relationship, or I was always going after another girl. Cassy has an awesome personality, she's beautiful, she likes to play video games, and she just knows how to have fun. I like her a loooooottt.

She's the first girl since like the beginning of senior year I've had any trouble asking out. It's not that I don't think she'll say yes... I have no idea what the problem is. Am I unsure of myself? Why in God's name would I be, if that is the case?

I don't know what to do. I really like this girl though, and I feel like if I wait too long she'll go after someone else.

Balance

There have been a few people I've lost touch with over the past year or so, and in a recent blog I mused over the fact that people come and go.

I am pleased to report that I have evolved enough as a human being to extend my hand to these people and say: "Hey, let's forget about it and try again."

And I'm three for three so far.

I can't wait to see these relationships replenish, grow, and bloom.

Wolf sanctuary on Saturday, then a birthday party for Savanna, and then, hopefully, club later that night.

Just felt like updating. Not much on my mind other than what has been written already.

Woot woot

Kings of Leon concert was amazing. They were perfect. The Black Keys were astounding as well. One of the best concerts I've been to, by far. We drank some Steel Reserves on the way, and it felt good to feel like that again. I don't know the last time I was drunk. Haha.

Mirko vs Mir was the worst main event I've ever seen. The Sherk vs Dunham fight made up for it though, and I can't wait to see where Dunham goes in the long career he has ahead of him.

Oh, and the Cowboys beat the Texans today. =D Roy Williams finally picked up his slack and caught some passes, two for touchdowns. Barber looked pretty good, and my boy DeMarcus Ware got 3 sacks today. Count 'em. One... Tw-

Alright.

In the realm of emotions and feelings: I feel alone. I have wonderful friends, and a wonderful family who are always there for me, but I want something more... I want a girl who's gonna make me happy again. Lately it feels like every time I come close to having another girl, it doesn't pan out.

I just want to feel wanted again. I'm not the kind of person who should be alone. I need someone. Not to hold myself up on, but to share my love and affection with. I just want a girl who's going to give me the same thing.

Ugh. Relationships fucking suck.

An update.

Well, I'm over Shelby. She started dating her ex after she broke up with me, and has yet to tell me. I'm giving her a little while to break the news to me, and if she doesn't, she loses my friendship.

I should be angry, but I've seen it all before. She gave me two really good months, so, it's all good. Just wish women would be more honest and straight up with me, because I try to be as honest as I possibly can.

I guess I should get angry though. I feel like a door mat sometimes. Whenever I go through a break-up, I'm just like: "Ok, if that's what you want."

Maybe I should 180 that and start yelling about how I'm the best thing to ever happen to them. I dunno. I don't think I'm any girl's best, to be honest, other than sex. Haha, I KNOW that was the best she's had. But, seriously, I haven't been any girl's greatest relationship. I could have been, but none of them ever gave me the chance.

Ah well. Changing speeds now.

Kings of Leon and The Black Keys tomorrow. I'm really excited for this concert, it's gonna be a blasty-blast.

The apartment is working out so nice. I fucking love it. I just get kind of lonely when I'm there... I feel like I should be with someone. There's just too many girls though, and none of them really stand out to me, except one, and all she wants is sex, I think. I want to FEEL.

Another note: I really miss a lot of people. I don't want to name everybody, but there were a lot of people who meant a lot to me, and I don't even talk to them anymore, some of them I can't even get a hold of... I know people come and go, but... Why so soon?

God damn.

I miss her so much. I see her every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but it's only for like an hour. And we just don't have much to say anymore.

She says she needs time alone because ever since she started dating she has been single for like a week at a time before she gets into another relationship. I trust she's being truthful with me, because she's also told me she still likes me, that other than one other person I'm her only friend, and that she wants to spend time with me and talk to me still. And she also insisted I did nothing wrong. I didn't even ask if I did, she just stopped me from walking away with those words.

I thought it would last a lot longer than two months.

I run everything through my mind constantly. Did we ruin the relationship by having sex so much? Or was it the fact that neither of us had a car, so we couldn't really get out and do anything together. We just sat around her house all the time...

It was all so sudden. And I don't want anyone else at this stage. It's been a week and 3 days, and I want nothing more than to grab her and tell her all these feelings... To ask for her hand once more. But, if she truly does want time alone, I feel it's too soon.

Ugh. Why do relationships always go sour for me? Am I not one of the good guys?

At any rate, I'm not reeling, but I want her back so bad. She's the most beautiful, caring, interesting, genuine, level-headed girl I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I don't want to lose her, but if I have to pack up and set up shop somewhere else, so be it. I just hope she remains a part of my life.

Bah. Changing direction now. Been chilling with my boy Daniel a lot lately. Been having the time of my life. I don't know anyone else I have that good of a time with. We just laugh for hours, talk about life, and wrestle, haha. He's always been my best friend, but man, lately it's been all put into perspective. I love this nigga, ha. We're gonna move to Austin at some point. I even mentioned this to my father, and he was all for it because he said he would do everything he could to help me get into UT.

After that, Daniel wants to move to Las Vegas to be a professional fighter, and he wants me to go with him. I told him I wouldn't fight, unless my plan to get into better shape is actually put forward, but I would be his manager. Shit, maybe we have a future in this. Haha, wouldn't that be crazy? Maybe someday you'll see Daniel "Alcatraz" Alcaraz getting his hand raised in the octagon, and his trainer and manager Tim Stivender right there with him.

Gotta work on a nickname if I do actually start fighting. Maybe The Lion? Haha, I dunno. We'll figure it out.

But, other than the Shelby thing going South, I'm better than ever. College is amazing, F.Y.I.

Settling In.

I'm 18 now. It's a good feeling I guess... Not much feels different.

Spent the weekend at my apartment, and will start moving my stuff in some time this week. That was a great feeling. I've never felt so free and independent. The apartment is pretty nice, and I have a bigger room than I do now, so, I'm very excited.

Shelby spent Sunday night and all of Monday with me out in Baytown. Went to Fuddrucker's Sunday night with my dad, his wife, my brothers Paul and David, my sister Savanna, and, of course, Shelby. Came back to Pasadena yesterday around 6pm and from there went to Olive Garden with my mom, my sisters Faith and Trish, and, again, Shelby. =)

Falling harder and harder for this girl as every day passes. Her birthday is the 22nd, and hopefully she has something better planned for her birthday than I did, haha. I'm at that stage where my heart aches when I don't hear from her or see her, and when I'm with her my heart is constantly racing.

Plus, she's the best kisser I've met. ;) She's very passionate.

Space Bound - Eminem

We touch, I feel a rush
We clutch, it isn't much
But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us
It's lust, it's torturous
You must be a sorceress 'cause you just
Did the impossible
Gained my trust
Don't play games it'll be dangerous
If you fuck me over
'cause if I get burnt I'mma show you what it's like to hurt
'cause I been treated like dirt before ya
And love is evil
Spell it backwards I'll show ya

Nobody knows me I'm cold
Walk down this road all alone
It's no one's fault but my own
It's the path I've chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion whatsoever so
Don't ask me why I have no love for these m'fuckin' hos
Blood suckin' succubuses, what the fuck is up with this
I've tried in this department but I ain't had no luck with this
It sucks but it's exactly what I thought it would be
Like tryin' to start over
I gotta hole in my heart, I'm some kind of emotional roller coaster
Somethin' I wont go on til you toy with my emotion so it's over
It's like an explosion every time I hold ya
Wasn't jokin' when I told ya
You take my breath away
You're a supernova and I'm a...

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

I do whatever it takes
When I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't
With you I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go
No boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we think's
Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em it's never the same
You want them when they don't want you
Soon as they do feelings change
It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate
I wasn't lookin' but I stumbled onto you, must've been fate
But so much is at stake, what the fuck does it take
Let's cut to the chase
But a door shuts in your face
Promise me if I cave in and break and leave myself open
That I wont be makin' a mistake

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
Right at you

So after a year and six months, its no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts
Never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you
Let down my guard, swear to God
I'll blow my brains in your lap
Lay here and die in your arms
Up to my knees and I'm bleedin'
I'm tryin' to stop you from leavin'
You won't even listen so fuck it
I'm tryin' to stop you from breathin'
I put both hands on your throat
I sit on top of you squeezin'
'til I snap ya neck like a Popsicle stick
Ain't no possible reason I could think of to let you walk up out this house
And let you live
Tears streamed down both of my cheeks
Then I let you just go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple
I told you this

And I would've did anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But it's over now
It's too late to save our love
Just promise me you'll think of me
Every time you look up in the sky and see a star 'cause I'm a...

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aiming right at you
Right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm so lost without you
So lost without you
Without you
Without you

Haha. Jesus

So, I'm a very happy, optimistic person. I've always thought this to be a plus. Apparently this gets on some people's nerves, and some people are just down-right offended by it.

I need to be more "serious". And by that, they want me to share their pathetic outlooks on life, and be dismal and solemn about everything with them. Fuck that.

Life is wonderful. There's love to be shared, friends to be made, andbeauty everywhere. So, why fret over ANYTHING?

I suppose I need these people though. Comfort in those who agree with us, growth in those who don't.

I'm just glad Shelby and the people closest to me aren't in the ranks of the downers and haters, haha.

But, that's it for now. Back to being bored, I suppose. My Gold account ran out. =/

Situation

Alright, I move in to the apartment August 1st. I will be living in Baytown at the Raintree apartments on Rollingbrook dr., right off of the highway.

Dad is paying half of the rent and our water bill. I will be attending San Jacinto, and he is going to give me a '97 Nissan Sentra that is in his driveway. No problems I know of, and he's paying the insurance on it.

I just need to get a job pretty quickly when we get all settled in, so that I can help pay rent, electricity, and my gas money so that I may get to San Jac when I have class, or when I want to go pick up Shelby or a friend or two.

Oh, Shelby. =D This relationship has been going wonderfully. I have very strong feelings for her is all I know. Our one month anniversary is on Thursday, and I plan to spend most of the day with her. But, things are getting more and more serious every day between us. I don't know if it has forever written on it at this point, and I refuse to think like that this early, but it looks like it'll be long-term if not. =) She makes me so very happy, and she has a good head on her shoulders. She knows what she wants, and won't flake out on me, that much I can tell.

It feels like everything is going in the right direction for me.

THE FUTURE IS HERE!

So, my dad is giving me a car, don't know what model and year yet, but he's paying for every bit of it. Also, he's going to pay for the rent on an apartment he wants me and my brother Paul to share, and possibly someone else.

So, it appears I will be moving out of my house soon! Hahahahaaaa! I'm so excited. I will have my own space to do as I please soon!

We still have a lot of details to work out about it all, but man, I'm so stoked.

The Black Keys - Tighten Up [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Music!

I recently made my way to Best Buy with the intent to buy a vidja game for mah ecksbawcks, but when I passed through the cd's, I changed my mind.

I passed by Minus The Bear, which is a band my brother Paul had shown me, and I picked up three of their albums: their semi-self-titled album Menos El Oso, Planet of Ice, and their most recent album Omni. I also picked up Cage The Elephant's sefl-titled album, and that's pretty damn good as well.

However, the subject I'd like to get on is the album Omni. EVERYONE should listen to this album. It is an absolute treat from start to finish.

The lyrics on some of the songs are a little... sexual. I can't share this album with anyone from, say, my church, so that's why I've come to this medium to spread the word.

The music is... intoxicating, I suppose I could say. I'm in love.

Minus the Bear is amazing, and everyone should pick up their album Omni.

YOU THERE! OGRE!

Hahaha, maaaan, I just got home from the Thrice concert. My throat is torn up, my body aches, but I feel... Well, like myself. Amazing. Haha. ;)

The bands before them were all... unique... Not bad, but nothing I'm gonna listen to.

But then, Thrice comes on, and the crowd erupts as they play All the World is Mad. Everyone who knows the words are belting out the songs, people are moshing, and just putting out such positive energy. Thrice was amazing. I got to hear the Earth Will Shake and A Song For Milly Michaelson, my two favorite songs by them.

They mixed their heavy songs, and their softer songs together so well.

And I got to hold my girl all night long, and defend her from sweaty fat guys.

I fucking love Thrice.

Okay...

So, my time has been monopolized lately by Bioshock 2. The story is great and all, it's just that the game is soooo fucking hard on the hardest difficulty, and I refuse to play on anything less. So, I gave the multiplayer a spin.

OH. MY. GOD. It's not amazing or anything, it just suits me to a T. It's absolute chaos, and there are so many factors to your loadouts. The tonics allow you certain abilities, like doing more damage from melee attacks that are behind the enemy, plasmids add another dimension, and then you've got the vanilla weapons. You can also hack turrets and sabotage ammo dispensers so that when someone goes up to them it drops a grenade at their feet.

And then there's the Big Daddy suit, which turns one player into a tank, and it takes strategy(or not, depending upon how you play) to take these Big Daddy's down.

This game's multiplayer has me hooked. If you stray upon my blog, send me a friend request: Lawlacaust21 on Xbox Live.

Going to go hang out with Shelby before tomorrow now, as I promised her. I keep my promises. =)

July 5th

I am feeling amazing right now. Today was the day Lizzy was supposed to move in with me. She pulled her Houdini act, as everyone knows by now. I think the ultimate rebuttal for the actions she took is the fact that I've got Shelby. Maybe that's just me though.

Maybe I'll even spend the day with Shelby, we'll see later on today, after I get sleep and ask whenever I wake up. That would be even better.

I hope this day eats away at Lizzy, but then again, she may not even be aware of the weight that today should hold for her. If she's not, then good for her.

On another note, I get to see Thrice tomorrow! YEEEEAAAHHH! Haha. So, Tool and Thrice within like two weeks of each other... Amazing.

I also purchased 4 tickets earlier today to see Kings of Leon on September 22nd at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion. Daniel, his mother, Shelby and I are the attendees. Happy belated birthday, Daniel. Didn't feel like the blacklight poster was a true gift.

Anyways, time for me to go. Love ya, Blog

Bacon?

In the event that someone reads my blog post from June 13th and they come to assume that I am depressed and all that jazz, allow me to clarify.

Life can not get much better than it is right now. I would delete the sad, sappy post from my blog, but that defeats the purpose of the blog, which is to show a progression of events that are worth noting in my life. And to improve my writing skills, but, whatever.

Here's a little random thing for today: What I'm excited about!

What I'm excited about:

• Shane Carwin vs Brock Lesnar for the UFC Heavyweight championship on July 3rd
• Thrice headlining Warehouse Live on July 6th
• Any time I get to spend with Shelby

Woot. The next week or so is gonna be AWESOME.

Settling In.

So, I've graduated, right? All the money I got from graduation I put towards a new Xbox, bought a new hat that is identical to one that I gave someone, but I can't ever see her again, I saw Tool, which is one of the most amazing muscial acts ever, and I just bought two tickets to see my favorite band Thrice on the 6th of July. I bought two because this awesome girl recently came into my life, and her name is Shelby Friery. And that was an extremely long sentence, and for that, I apologize.

We are both a Leo, and we've got this weird wavelength thing that goes on between us. We always do something at the same time... It's hard to explain. As an example, we both went to send each other a link to a video, and we were both watching the same video. It's weird stuff, but it fascinates me. Plus, she's B-E-A-utiful. Hot damn. I've dated some good-looking girls, but this one is pretty up there on the list. Plus, she's not a whore. Which is a huge plus for me, haha.

But anyways, away from that amazing girl and back on to the subject of graduation. All this freedom... I don't know what to do with myself. Been dating this girl a week, and I'm trying to hang out with her more, and trying to hang out with my friends Daniel and Mason more. My friend Walter has a movie he's making, and I'm a major role in it, and we're about to start filming my parts in the movie. I'm also interning at my church, but this stuff just still isn't enough for me...

So, I find myself wondering what I'm supposed to do... Should I pick up the guitar in my spare time, and start learning how to play a little bit more? Should I start working on my physique a bit? Get a job? I find myself wrestling all these choices daily, and the more choices I have, the less I'm going to do.

And therein lies the dilemma.

BUT! Other than that, life. Is. Amazing. Funny how everything works out like that. After being fucked over more times than I can count, karma throws me a bone and tells me it's all going to be okay with one simple gesture: Bringing Shelby into my life.

Can't wait to see how this relationship will pan out. It's only a week in, but things are looking really, really good. *knocks on wood*

Love you, Blog.

Evolution

Of course, everything has gone wrong once more. But has it? I've analyzed every detail, just as my mind always does, and I can't decide if this is for the better or not.

I've basically lost a best friend and a lover. She cut all ties with me without saying one word to me. This is easily the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. It's pretty much like she died. I've never lost anyone that close to me.

She went to Louisiana to see her friends graduate, and everything was fine then. The Saturday she was in Louisiana, everything was fine. I called her on her way home from Louisiana on Sunday, and she was really irritated. I asked her if she and I were okay and she said yes. She lied to me. The one thing I hate more than anything.

I was over at a friend's house on Tuesday night, and I saw that she had deleted me off of her Facebook, and had blocked me. She didn't say a word to me, and just basically vanished. How can one do that to someone they said they love? But most of all, why would you do that? She could've told me she didn't want to be with me, and that she no longer wanted to move in. That would have hurt, but no where near as bad as this. There have been so many times where I've wished I could just talk to her. Text her and see how she's doing... Skype with her and have one of our two to three hour-long conversations where we never run out of things to talk about... Right now, all I want is my friend back.

She told me she talked to her two best friends over there that Saturday night in our last conversation. So, the only conclusion is that two people were able to tell her heart and mind what it wants and should do. Which makes no sense. An old man once taught me an old Chinese proverb: "When you find what you want in life, take it.", which is what I've tried to do. I still want her, but it's impossible for me to get her now, so, I guess I've got to find someone else.

Not only did she hurt me, but she hurt my family; I think my mom is more hurt by this than I am. Everyone I've talked to about it can't believe it. My friends all thought she was awesome, at least the ones who hadn't met her already, and there were so many people looking forward to meeting her. I was going to be happy... I was happy...

But, from this, I've learned how to deal with loss, learned that some people are easily influenced by others, and that I have the best friends in the world. Seriously, I love you guys. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Daniel, Colby, Mason, Brett... And I appreciate all the words of encouragement from people like James, Cade, Zach, the aforementioned friends, my family, and anyone else. There are so many of you it's hard to list you all, heh.

I will never be perfect. I've cheated, I've lied, and I've done some things that I regret, and a lot that I don't regret that people consider wrong. But, the one thing I know, is that I will never be able to inflict that kind of pain upon someone, so maybe it's for the better that I've been taught this pain early in my life, so that if it ever happens again, I'm numb to it, and so that I never put someone else in my position.

Pain gives me the opportunity to prosper, I suppose. But, I was already thriving. I don't think I'll ever decide whether this is good for me or bad. I guess I'll just chalk it up as both.

My Lord and Saviour

I was never really very religious. I was brought up to be so, but I was always just riding the waves, going with the flow... Whatever you want to call it. I was saved at a young age, but I didn't understand it, and I never really felt anything.

By the time I had gotten into junior high, I had fallen completely from the religious life. I stopped going to church, stopped listening to Christian music, and just had forgotten about my roots altogether.

My sophomore year I started proclaiming myself an atheist, and started drinking and smoking weed. I lost my virginity that summer, and continued to spiral down... I was in a wonderful relationship, and when it ended, I contemplated suicide. I've been in some dark places in my life, and possibly the darkest was alone, with a loaded gun in my lap at my dad's house.

My life continued on the downward spiral. I was full of negativity, but I just didn't show it. I made myself appear stronger than I actually was for my friends and family. My home life didn't help my attitude... My mother and I would always fight, and she did a good job or consistently making me feel worthless. My house was a breeding ground for negative thoughts.

My senior year, I met a guy named Colby Beede. He came to be one of my best friends, and I hung out with him often. I spent the night at his house after a UFC event, and in the morning he took me to church. They were doing a play called Blast!, or something like that and they needed hippies. I love to act, had the hair for the part, and wanted an excuse to get away from all the negativity there was at home.

So, I began helping with this play. The play was meant to raise money for the church's spring break camp, and I was constantly being pressured to go on the trip as well. It didn't feel right for me, not being a Christian and all, but they made me feel wanted and loved, which was a little new of a feeling for me, and I enjoyed it, so I finally decided to succumb to their prodding. My mom was worried about the cost, but someone from the church sponsored me, so I was able to go.

The first night we were there, during worship, it felt like something was looming over me. I could feel all the guilt building up inside of me, the guilt of turning my back on the religion, the guilt of denying Christ, and the guilt of all the wrong I had done. It was overwhelming, and I began to cry. I found Colby, and we went out of the little chapel-thing we had and talked, and he asked me if I wanted to be saved. I figured a do-over was in order. We prayed the sinner's prayer, but it was more than just words to me. I would've sang that shit if I could. Those words seemed to pour out of me, and when it was done, I had never felt more at peace before in my life.

Ever since then, my life has 180-ed. The negativity at home is gone, my family goes to church every Sunday, I've stopped most of my 'evil' ways, and am working on some more of them, my family trusts me again, and I've got the girl of my dreams back.

I used to laugh at people who said that God would fix their problems. But, with God at my side, all my problems have been remedied, and new problems that surface seem insignificant.

Thank you, Heavenly Father.

I. Love. Life.

So, prom was this weekend. Originally, I was going to go with my girlfriend Lisl, but I decided against it seeing as how I'd have to sneak her to the prom. Her parents already hated me, so that would have been a bad idea... I told her that I couldn't take her, and I set out to find a suitable prom date.

Well, I ended up talking to my ex-girlfriend Elizabeth pretty soon after that, and she said she'd be willing to come down from Fort Worth to Houston to go to prom with me. I've been in love with this girl since the first time her and I had started dating, so, naturally, I was thrilled to hear this.

She arrived on Friday, and I had to go pick up my tux. When I returned, my friends Mason and Colby showed up, introduced themselves, and we all decided to go out to eat. So, my friends, myself, Lizzy, my mom, and my little sister all went out to my favorite Chinese buffet. On the car ride home, Colby played some song that made me want to cry because it was about some guy dancing with someone's girl, which put me in an awkward mood... I wanted nothing more than to hold this girl, but I couldn't. So, we talked about this a little bit, cried and then watched Fight Club. She told me good night, went into the other room and went to sleep.

The next day was busy, busy, and was spent preparing for prom. We got her hair done, and got all dressed up and stuff. We went and took pictures, and then made our way to Moody Gardens in Galveston. She looked absolutely beautiful, the way angels oughta look((( <--Sin City quote))). I felt torn. On one hand, I was the luckiest man in the world because I was with her, but on the other, she was here as a friend, so it was all very bittersweet. She walked off with my friend Colby, and when she came back she wanted to talk to me. She told me that Colby told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too and that she wanted to move down here. She said we weren't going to be together until we lived close to each other though, which was fine by me. (((We were on Skype together a second ago and she just told me she loved me before she went to bed. God, this girl makes my heart fucking sing. I have yearned to hear her say it to me again. Had to add this little note in here. Haha))) We danced our asses off, and had the most beautiful night together. It was absolutely wonderful. After prom, we went out to my sister's place in Humble, talked awhile, and then I took her into the bedroom and we curled up together and went to sleep. We had a wonderful morning. First of all, my current girlfriend was a bit too young for me. I didn't mind the age, but everyone else has a problem with it, and they were right. When I turned 18, our relationship would have become illegal. When I told her 'I love you', her reply had little to no emotion in it. We would sit on the phone for two hours and say almost nothing. Plus, I wanted to do sexual things with a 14 year-old, which could have been bad. We didn't have a lot in common, either... I had been considering breaking up with her for two weeks or so, but I just wanted an out. So, after cheating on her, I broke up with my girlfriend, Lizzy and I went out to eat, and then came back to my house and prepared for her departure... Saying goodbye was difficult, but I managed it, gave her a kiss, and sent her on her way.

I'm praying that this will all run smoothly, and that she'll be down here for good soon. I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl. I told her she can take as much time as she wants to move down here, but that I don't want her to make me wait too long...

I love my life. And the thing I love the most about my life is Elizabeth Franks. Without her I am nothing. And as long as I have her, I have everything.

Laughing my ass off

So, I just went through a rough spot with my girlfriend recently. I found out she was dating someone in Kansas while she was with me. I broke it off with her for a day, but I retracted that position a day later because I care about her a little bit.

The way I found out was through the guy she was dating. He messaged me on Facebook. His name was Cody Decker. He was using a girl named Kayla Martin's fb.

So, I got a phone call today from my girlfriend, Lisl, and she informed me that Cody is actually Kayla Martin. Haha! Cody Decker is a baseball player for the San Diego Padres.

So, I was worried about absolutely nothing... Still, she did have the intent to cheat on me, which still upsets me a little. She seemed to feel like shit for it though, so maybe she's not without a conscience. Perhaps this can all be saved.

She got played like a fiddle for five months though, which I find pretty fucking funny.

Uhh...

So, I've decided to make one of these to give me something else to do in my spare time. I find that I don't write enough anymore, and I'm hoping that this can assuage this plight.

So, I'm not sure what to start with, but I'm just going to write some random stuff to begin.

So, I love zombies. I often find myself longing for an infection to spread that reanimates corpses and causes people to becomes flesh-hungry, mindless husks. I want this because it'd be like a never-ending source of stress-relievement. And not like those stupid "stress balls". Those suck. I hate them. I'd rather smash a blood-ravenous creature's skull in with a Louisville slugger.

I have a list of people that I'd want at my side during a zombie apocalypse... And it goes like this.

• Johnathan Thompson
• Daniel Alcaraz

Now, that's not because I love them more than any other prospective readers that were not included in the list... It's because they're more valuable than you in that situation. Johnathan has Army survival skills, as well as the fact that he's a god with a handgun, and he's a genius. Daniel because he offers the greatest companionship, and he's probably the best fighter I know.

The list is condensed to two because groups of two to four are the only way to go during a zombie apocalypse.

All I need is a bible, a gun, copious amounts of ammunition, and these three, and I'm ready for an apocalypse.

When Hell hath no room for the Dead... The Dead shall inherit the Earth.