Bacon?

In the event that someone reads my blog post from June 13th and they come to assume that I am depressed and all that jazz, allow me to clarify.

Life can not get much better than it is right now. I would delete the sad, sappy post from my blog, but that defeats the purpose of the blog, which is to show a progression of events that are worth noting in my life. And to improve my writing skills, but, whatever.

Here's a little random thing for today: What I'm excited about!

What I'm excited about:

• Shane Carwin vs Brock Lesnar for the UFC Heavyweight championship on July 3rd
• Thrice headlining Warehouse Live on July 6th
• Any time I get to spend with Shelby

Woot. The next week or so is gonna be AWESOME.

Settling In.

So, I've graduated, right? All the money I got from graduation I put towards a new Xbox, bought a new hat that is identical to one that I gave someone, but I can't ever see her again, I saw Tool, which is one of the most amazing muscial acts ever, and I just bought two tickets to see my favorite band Thrice on the 6th of July. I bought two because this awesome girl recently came into my life, and her name is Shelby Friery. And that was an extremely long sentence, and for that, I apologize.

We are both a Leo, and we've got this weird wavelength thing that goes on between us. We always do something at the same time... It's hard to explain. As an example, we both went to send each other a link to a video, and we were both watching the same video. It's weird stuff, but it fascinates me. Plus, she's B-E-A-utiful. Hot damn. I've dated some good-looking girls, but this one is pretty up there on the list. Plus, she's not a whore. Which is a huge plus for me, haha.

But anyways, away from that amazing girl and back on to the subject of graduation. All this freedom... I don't know what to do with myself. Been dating this girl a week, and I'm trying to hang out with her more, and trying to hang out with my friends Daniel and Mason more. My friend Walter has a movie he's making, and I'm a major role in it, and we're about to start filming my parts in the movie. I'm also interning at my church, but this stuff just still isn't enough for me...

So, I find myself wondering what I'm supposed to do... Should I pick up the guitar in my spare time, and start learning how to play a little bit more? Should I start working on my physique a bit? Get a job? I find myself wrestling all these choices daily, and the more choices I have, the less I'm going to do.

And therein lies the dilemma.

BUT! Other than that, life. Is. Amazing. Funny how everything works out like that. After being fucked over more times than I can count, karma throws me a bone and tells me it's all going to be okay with one simple gesture: Bringing Shelby into my life.

Can't wait to see how this relationship will pan out. It's only a week in, but things are looking really, really good. *knocks on wood*

Love you, Blog.

Evolution

Of course, everything has gone wrong once more. But has it? I've analyzed every detail, just as my mind always does, and I can't decide if this is for the better or not.

I've basically lost a best friend and a lover. She cut all ties with me without saying one word to me. This is easily the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. It's pretty much like she died. I've never lost anyone that close to me.

She went to Louisiana to see her friends graduate, and everything was fine then. The Saturday she was in Louisiana, everything was fine. I called her on her way home from Louisiana on Sunday, and she was really irritated. I asked her if she and I were okay and she said yes. She lied to me. The one thing I hate more than anything.

I was over at a friend's house on Tuesday night, and I saw that she had deleted me off of her Facebook, and had blocked me. She didn't say a word to me, and just basically vanished. How can one do that to someone they said they love? But most of all, why would you do that? She could've told me she didn't want to be with me, and that she no longer wanted to move in. That would have hurt, but no where near as bad as this. There have been so many times where I've wished I could just talk to her. Text her and see how she's doing... Skype with her and have one of our two to three hour-long conversations where we never run out of things to talk about... Right now, all I want is my friend back.

She told me she talked to her two best friends over there that Saturday night in our last conversation. So, the only conclusion is that two people were able to tell her heart and mind what it wants and should do. Which makes no sense. An old man once taught me an old Chinese proverb: "When you find what you want in life, take it.", which is what I've tried to do. I still want her, but it's impossible for me to get her now, so, I guess I've got to find someone else.

Not only did she hurt me, but she hurt my family; I think my mom is more hurt by this than I am. Everyone I've talked to about it can't believe it. My friends all thought she was awesome, at least the ones who hadn't met her already, and there were so many people looking forward to meeting her. I was going to be happy... I was happy...

But, from this, I've learned how to deal with loss, learned that some people are easily influenced by others, and that I have the best friends in the world. Seriously, I love you guys. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Daniel, Colby, Mason, Brett... And I appreciate all the words of encouragement from people like James, Cade, Zach, the aforementioned friends, my family, and anyone else. There are so many of you it's hard to list you all, heh.

I will never be perfect. I've cheated, I've lied, and I've done some things that I regret, and a lot that I don't regret that people consider wrong. But, the one thing I know, is that I will never be able to inflict that kind of pain upon someone, so maybe it's for the better that I've been taught this pain early in my life, so that if it ever happens again, I'm numb to it, and so that I never put someone else in my position.

Pain gives me the opportunity to prosper, I suppose. But, I was already thriving. I don't think I'll ever decide whether this is good for me or bad. I guess I'll just chalk it up as both.