Balance

There have been a few people I've lost touch with over the past year or so, and in a recent blog I mused over the fact that people come and go.

I am pleased to report that I have evolved enough as a human being to extend my hand to these people and say: "Hey, let's forget about it and try again."

And I'm three for three so far.

I can't wait to see these relationships replenish, grow, and bloom.

Wolf sanctuary on Saturday, then a birthday party for Savanna, and then, hopefully, club later that night.

Just felt like updating. Not much on my mind other than what has been written already.

Woot woot

Kings of Leon concert was amazing. They were perfect. The Black Keys were astounding as well. One of the best concerts I've been to, by far. We drank some Steel Reserves on the way, and it felt good to feel like that again. I don't know the last time I was drunk. Haha.

Mirko vs Mir was the worst main event I've ever seen. The Sherk vs Dunham fight made up for it though, and I can't wait to see where Dunham goes in the long career he has ahead of him.

Oh, and the Cowboys beat the Texans today. =D Roy Williams finally picked up his slack and caught some passes, two for touchdowns. Barber looked pretty good, and my boy DeMarcus Ware got 3 sacks today. Count 'em. One... Tw-

Alright.

In the realm of emotions and feelings: I feel alone. I have wonderful friends, and a wonderful family who are always there for me, but I want something more... I want a girl who's gonna make me happy again. Lately it feels like every time I come close to having another girl, it doesn't pan out.

I just want to feel wanted again. I'm not the kind of person who should be alone. I need someone. Not to hold myself up on, but to share my love and affection with. I just want a girl who's going to give me the same thing.

Ugh. Relationships fucking suck.

An update.

Well, I'm over Shelby. She started dating her ex after she broke up with me, and has yet to tell me. I'm giving her a little while to break the news to me, and if she doesn't, she loses my friendship.

I should be angry, but I've seen it all before. She gave me two really good months, so, it's all good. Just wish women would be more honest and straight up with me, because I try to be as honest as I possibly can.

I guess I should get angry though. I feel like a door mat sometimes. Whenever I go through a break-up, I'm just like: "Ok, if that's what you want."

Maybe I should 180 that and start yelling about how I'm the best thing to ever happen to them. I dunno. I don't think I'm any girl's best, to be honest, other than sex. Haha, I KNOW that was the best she's had. But, seriously, I haven't been any girl's greatest relationship. I could have been, but none of them ever gave me the chance.

Ah well. Changing speeds now.

Kings of Leon and The Black Keys tomorrow. I'm really excited for this concert, it's gonna be a blasty-blast.

The apartment is working out so nice. I fucking love it. I just get kind of lonely when I'm there... I feel like I should be with someone. There's just too many girls though, and none of them really stand out to me, except one, and all she wants is sex, I think. I want to FEEL.

Another note: I really miss a lot of people. I don't want to name everybody, but there were a lot of people who meant a lot to me, and I don't even talk to them anymore, some of them I can't even get a hold of... I know people come and go, but... Why so soon?

God damn.

I miss her so much. I see her every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but it's only for like an hour. And we just don't have much to say anymore.

She says she needs time alone because ever since she started dating she has been single for like a week at a time before she gets into another relationship. I trust she's being truthful with me, because she's also told me she still likes me, that other than one other person I'm her only friend, and that she wants to spend time with me and talk to me still. And she also insisted I did nothing wrong. I didn't even ask if I did, she just stopped me from walking away with those words.

I thought it would last a lot longer than two months.

I run everything through my mind constantly. Did we ruin the relationship by having sex so much? Or was it the fact that neither of us had a car, so we couldn't really get out and do anything together. We just sat around her house all the time...

It was all so sudden. And I don't want anyone else at this stage. It's been a week and 3 days, and I want nothing more than to grab her and tell her all these feelings... To ask for her hand once more. But, if she truly does want time alone, I feel it's too soon.

Ugh. Why do relationships always go sour for me? Am I not one of the good guys?

At any rate, I'm not reeling, but I want her back so bad. She's the most beautiful, caring, interesting, genuine, level-headed girl I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I don't want to lose her, but if I have to pack up and set up shop somewhere else, so be it. I just hope she remains a part of my life.

Bah. Changing direction now. Been chilling with my boy Daniel a lot lately. Been having the time of my life. I don't know anyone else I have that good of a time with. We just laugh for hours, talk about life, and wrestle, haha. He's always been my best friend, but man, lately it's been all put into perspective. I love this nigga, ha. We're gonna move to Austin at some point. I even mentioned this to my father, and he was all for it because he said he would do everything he could to help me get into UT.

After that, Daniel wants to move to Las Vegas to be a professional fighter, and he wants me to go with him. I told him I wouldn't fight, unless my plan to get into better shape is actually put forward, but I would be his manager. Shit, maybe we have a future in this. Haha, wouldn't that be crazy? Maybe someday you'll see Daniel "Alcatraz" Alcaraz getting his hand raised in the octagon, and his trainer and manager Tim Stivender right there with him.

Gotta work on a nickname if I do actually start fighting. Maybe The Lion? Haha, I dunno. We'll figure it out.

But, other than the Shelby thing going South, I'm better than ever. College is amazing, F.Y.I.