I was never really very religious. I was brought up to be so, but I was always just riding the waves, going with the flow... Whatever you want to call it. I was saved at a young age, but I didn't understand it, and I never really felt anything.
By the time I had gotten into junior high, I had fallen completely from the religious life. I stopped going to church, stopped listening to Christian music, and just had forgotten about my roots altogether.
My sophomore year I started proclaiming myself an atheist, and started drinking and smoking weed. I lost my virginity that summer, and continued to spiral down... I was in a wonderful relationship, and when it ended, I contemplated suicide. I've been in some dark places in my life, and possibly the darkest was alone, with a loaded gun in my lap at my dad's house.
My life continued on the downward spiral. I was full of negativity, but I just didn't show it. I made myself appear stronger than I actually was for my friends and family. My home life didn't help my attitude... My mother and I would always fight, and she did a good job or consistently making me feel worthless. My house was a breeding ground for negative thoughts.
My senior year, I met a guy named Colby Beede. He came to be one of my best friends, and I hung out with him often. I spent the night at his house after a UFC event, and in the morning he took me to church. They were doing a play called Blast!, or something like that and they needed hippies. I love to act, had the hair for the part, and wanted an excuse to get away from all the negativity there was at home.
So, I began helping with this play. The play was meant to raise money for the church's spring break camp, and I was constantly being pressured to go on the trip as well. It didn't feel right for me, not being a Christian and all, but they made me feel wanted and loved, which was a little new of a feeling for me, and I enjoyed it, so I finally decided to succumb to their prodding. My mom was worried about the cost, but someone from the church sponsored me, so I was able to go.
The first night we were there, during worship, it felt like something was looming over me. I could feel all the guilt building up inside of me, the guilt of turning my back on the religion, the guilt of denying Christ, and the guilt of all the wrong I had done. It was overwhelming, and I began to cry. I found Colby, and we went out of the little chapel-thing we had and talked, and he asked me if I wanted to be saved. I figured a do-over was in order. We prayed the sinner's prayer, but it was more than just words to me. I would've sang that shit if I could. Those words seemed to pour out of me, and when it was done, I had never felt more at peace before in my life.
Ever since then, my life has 180-ed. The negativity at home is gone, my family goes to church every Sunday, I've stopped most of my 'evil' ways, and am working on some more of them, my family trusts me again, and I've got the girl of my dreams back.
I used to laugh at people who said that God would fix their problems. But, with God at my side, all my problems have been remedied, and new problems that surface seem insignificant.
Thank you, Heavenly Father.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
I. Love. Life.
So, prom was this weekend. Originally, I was going to go with my girlfriend Lisl, but I decided against it seeing as how I'd have to sneak her to the prom. Her parents already hated me, so that would have been a bad idea... I told her that I couldn't take her, and I set out to find a suitable prom date.
Well, I ended up talking to my ex-girlfriend Elizabeth pretty soon after that, and she said she'd be willing to come down from Fort Worth to Houston to go to prom with me. I've been in love with this girl since the first time her and I had started dating, so, naturally, I was thrilled to hear this.
She arrived on Friday, and I had to go pick up my tux. When I returned, my friends Mason and Colby showed up, introduced themselves, and we all decided to go out to eat. So, my friends, myself, Lizzy, my mom, and my little sister all went out to my favorite Chinese buffet. On the car ride home, Colby played some song that made me want to cry because it was about some guy dancing with someone's girl, which put me in an awkward mood... I wanted nothing more than to hold this girl, but I couldn't. So, we talked about this a little bit, cried and then watched Fight Club. She told me good night, went into the other room and went to sleep.
The next day was busy, busy, and was spent preparing for prom. We got her hair done, and got all dressed up and stuff. We went and took pictures, and then made our way to Moody Gardens in Galveston. She looked absolutely beautiful, the way angels oughta look((( <--Sin City quote))). I felt torn. On one hand, I was the luckiest man in the world because I was with her, but on the other, she was here as a friend, so it was all very bittersweet. She walked off with my friend Colby, and when she came back she wanted to talk to me. She told me that Colby told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too and that she wanted to move down here. She said we weren't going to be together until we lived close to each other though, which was fine by me. (((We were on Skype together a second ago and she just told me she loved me before she went to bed. God, this girl makes my heart fucking sing. I have yearned to hear her say it to me again. Had to add this little note in here. Haha))) We danced our asses off, and had the most beautiful night together. It was absolutely wonderful. After prom, we went out to my sister's place in Humble, talked awhile, and then I took her into the bedroom and we curled up together and went to sleep. We had a wonderful morning. First of all, my current girlfriend was a bit too young for me. I didn't mind the age, but everyone else has a problem with it, and they were right. When I turned 18, our relationship would have become illegal. When I told her 'I love you', her reply had little to no emotion in it. We would sit on the phone for two hours and say almost nothing. Plus, I wanted to do sexual things with a 14 year-old, which could have been bad. We didn't have a lot in common, either... I had been considering breaking up with her for two weeks or so, but I just wanted an out. So, after cheating on her, I broke up with my girlfriend, Lizzy and I went out to eat, and then came back to my house and prepared for her departure... Saying goodbye was difficult, but I managed it, gave her a kiss, and sent her on her way.
I'm praying that this will all run smoothly, and that she'll be down here for good soon. I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl. I told her she can take as much time as she wants to move down here, but that I don't want her to make me wait too long...
I love my life. And the thing I love the most about my life is Elizabeth Franks. Without her I am nothing. And as long as I have her, I have everything.
Well, I ended up talking to my ex-girlfriend Elizabeth pretty soon after that, and she said she'd be willing to come down from Fort Worth to Houston to go to prom with me. I've been in love with this girl since the first time her and I had started dating, so, naturally, I was thrilled to hear this.
She arrived on Friday, and I had to go pick up my tux. When I returned, my friends Mason and Colby showed up, introduced themselves, and we all decided to go out to eat. So, my friends, myself, Lizzy, my mom, and my little sister all went out to my favorite Chinese buffet. On the car ride home, Colby played some song that made me want to cry because it was about some guy dancing with someone's girl, which put me in an awkward mood... I wanted nothing more than to hold this girl, but I couldn't. So, we talked about this a little bit, cried and then watched Fight Club. She told me good night, went into the other room and went to sleep.
The next day was busy, busy, and was spent preparing for prom. We got her hair done, and got all dressed up and stuff. We went and took pictures, and then made our way to Moody Gardens in Galveston. She looked absolutely beautiful, the way angels oughta look((( <--Sin City quote))). I felt torn. On one hand, I was the luckiest man in the world because I was with her, but on the other, she was here as a friend, so it was all very bittersweet. She walked off with my friend Colby, and when she came back she wanted to talk to me. She told me that Colby told her I loved her, and she said she loved me too and that she wanted to move down here. She said we weren't going to be together until we lived close to each other though, which was fine by me. (((We were on Skype together a second ago and she just told me she loved me before she went to bed. God, this girl makes my heart fucking sing. I have yearned to hear her say it to me again. Had to add this little note in here. Haha))) We danced our asses off, and had the most beautiful night together. It was absolutely wonderful. After prom, we went out to my sister's place in Humble, talked awhile, and then I took her into the bedroom and we curled up together and went to sleep. We had a wonderful morning. First of all, my current girlfriend was a bit too young for me. I didn't mind the age, but everyone else has a problem with it, and they were right. When I turned 18, our relationship would have become illegal. When I told her 'I love you', her reply had little to no emotion in it. We would sit on the phone for two hours and say almost nothing. Plus, I wanted to do sexual things with a 14 year-old, which could have been bad. We didn't have a lot in common, either... I had been considering breaking up with her for two weeks or so, but I just wanted an out. So, after cheating on her, I broke up with my girlfriend, Lizzy and I went out to eat, and then came back to my house and prepared for her departure... Saying goodbye was difficult, but I managed it, gave her a kiss, and sent her on her way.
I'm praying that this will all run smoothly, and that she'll be down here for good soon. I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl. I told her she can take as much time as she wants to move down here, but that I don't want her to make me wait too long...
I love my life. And the thing I love the most about my life is Elizabeth Franks. Without her I am nothing. And as long as I have her, I have everything.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)