My Lord and Saviour

I was never really very religious. I was brought up to be so, but I was always just riding the waves, going with the flow... Whatever you want to call it. I was saved at a young age, but I didn't understand it, and I never really felt anything.

By the time I had gotten into junior high, I had fallen completely from the religious life. I stopped going to church, stopped listening to Christian music, and just had forgotten about my roots altogether.

My sophomore year I started proclaiming myself an atheist, and started drinking and smoking weed. I lost my virginity that summer, and continued to spiral down... I was in a wonderful relationship, and when it ended, I contemplated suicide. I've been in some dark places in my life, and possibly the darkest was alone, with a loaded gun in my lap at my dad's house.

My life continued on the downward spiral. I was full of negativity, but I just didn't show it. I made myself appear stronger than I actually was for my friends and family. My home life didn't help my attitude... My mother and I would always fight, and she did a good job or consistently making me feel worthless. My house was a breeding ground for negative thoughts.

My senior year, I met a guy named Colby Beede. He came to be one of my best friends, and I hung out with him often. I spent the night at his house after a UFC event, and in the morning he took me to church. They were doing a play called Blast!, or something like that and they needed hippies. I love to act, had the hair for the part, and wanted an excuse to get away from all the negativity there was at home.

So, I began helping with this play. The play was meant to raise money for the church's spring break camp, and I was constantly being pressured to go on the trip as well. It didn't feel right for me, not being a Christian and all, but they made me feel wanted and loved, which was a little new of a feeling for me, and I enjoyed it, so I finally decided to succumb to their prodding. My mom was worried about the cost, but someone from the church sponsored me, so I was able to go.

The first night we were there, during worship, it felt like something was looming over me. I could feel all the guilt building up inside of me, the guilt of turning my back on the religion, the guilt of denying Christ, and the guilt of all the wrong I had done. It was overwhelming, and I began to cry. I found Colby, and we went out of the little chapel-thing we had and talked, and he asked me if I wanted to be saved. I figured a do-over was in order. We prayed the sinner's prayer, but it was more than just words to me. I would've sang that shit if I could. Those words seemed to pour out of me, and when it was done, I had never felt more at peace before in my life.

Ever since then, my life has 180-ed. The negativity at home is gone, my family goes to church every Sunday, I've stopped most of my 'evil' ways, and am working on some more of them, my family trusts me again, and I've got the girl of my dreams back.

I used to laugh at people who said that God would fix their problems. But, with God at my side, all my problems have been remedied, and new problems that surface seem insignificant.

Thank you, Heavenly Father.